Oooh child, things are gonna get easier...

And finally they are. Starting to, at least. I still have a lot to handle, but I don't feel the walls closing in on me. I'm looking forward to being physically healthy soon so I can go catch up with my life again. Still lots of pressure, not quite enough focus, but...I'm not miserable. I've even had happy moments.

Ahhhhh.....

The other side really is greener.

I had forgotten how hard this was...

I had forgotten how hard this is to go through. The lack of sleep, the paralysis, the fear, feeling like you're hanging on by a thin thread... it's awful. On top of that, it seems my thyroid levels are now too high, and thus I constantly feel like I'm about to have a heart attack. Every morning, I've thought there was no possible way I could make it to work.

I went, though. I'm pushing through. I'm starting to tackle the issues I've been avoiding that cause me so much anxiety. I know there's another side because I've been through this before. I don't know that depression is a sign of intelligence so much as recognizing it is. That's the sign of hope.

I wonder if anyone could live with me like this. Of course, if I had some kind of support system, I may never get here again. I need to find that. Really really.

Life's got to get easier.