I had forgotten how hard this is to go through. The lack of sleep, the paralysis, the fear, feeling like you're hanging on by a thin thread... it's awful. On top of that, it seems my thyroid levels are now too high, and thus I constantly feel like I'm about to have a heart attack. Every morning, I've thought there was no possible way I could make it to work.
I went, though. I'm pushing through. I'm starting to tackle the issues I've been avoiding that cause me so much anxiety. I know there's another side because I've been through this before. I don't know that depression is a sign of intelligence so much as recognizing it is. That's the sign of hope.
I wonder if anyone could live with me like this. Of course, if I had some kind of support system, I may never get here again. I need to find that. Really really.
Life's got to get easier.
Saturday, December 5, 2009
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